When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
