..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
