For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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