Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
