You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
