I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
