The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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