Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
