I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
