So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
