Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
