People with herpes should wear stickers.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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