And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
