I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
