Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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