K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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