you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So many bounce houses so little time
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
