Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
