My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
