Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
