whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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