Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
whose parrot is this?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
