they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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