I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
