I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
