I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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