i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
