I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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