I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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