One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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