If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
