New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
