you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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