if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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