Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
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