this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
