I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
