I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
