I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
