Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
