she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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