how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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