I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
