saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
