My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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