Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
