Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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