There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
