I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
