We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
